08-01-2008, 07:55 PM
<ring>
Oseye: Hello, this is FedEX Customer Service. Oseye speaking. May I help you.
Caller: Is this Oseye Gaddy by chance?
Oseye: (hesitant) Yes, who’s calling please.
Bronczek: This is Dave!!!
Oseye: Dave who?
Bronczek: Dave Bronczek
Oseye: That name’s sounds familiar.
Bronczek: check your paycheck.
Oseye: Oh that Dave. (suddenly nervous). How can I help you Mr. Bronczek?
Bronczek: Oh we don’t have to be so formal. Call me Dave?
Oseye: OK Dave.
Bronczek: We here at headquarters are starting a new program and I am personally calling all 275,000 of our fine employees and I am starting with you.
Oseye: Me? I don’t think any of my coworkers have ever received a phone call from the CEO.
Bronczek: Do any of your coworkers have a son with a jumpshot?
Oseye: Oh, I see what this is about. You are a supporter of the Memphis Tigers, arent’ you?
Bronczek: Well since YOU brought it up, let me tell you about my good friend, John Calipari. Have you spoken with him?
Oseye: Oh yes. Mr. Calipari has called several times this week and, oh wait, that’s him texting me right now.
Bronczek: Yeah. That Cal is really good with the new gadgets. I prefer the old fashioned telephone.
Oseye: Well, my son is considering Memphis as well several other schools.
Bronczek: I’m sure. I hear he is a great player. But I actually did call to discuss your career.
Oseye: My career?!
Bronczek: Yes, I’m sure wherever your son ends up playing college ball, you plan to relocate so you can see him play.
Oseye: Yes, definitely.
Bronczek: Well the great thing about Federal Express, is we are all over the country, and no matter where your son plays, I am sure our company can make a transfer available to you.
Oseye: Oh that would be great. He is considering playing for that nice Mr. Olson at Arizona. Could I transfer there with Federal Express.
Bronczek: Uh, let me check. (riffles papers). Oh, I’m sorry, it appears that we are downsizing in Arizona. There would be no position available there. As a matter of fact, we are considering discontinuing Federal Express service in Arizona and Kansas.
Oseye: I see.
Bronczek: However, here at HQ in Memphis, we have several management positions available that I’m sure you would be qualified for.
Oseye: Really (excited) What kind of positions?
Bronczek: Well, just this morning I learned that we have learned we had a new position supervising our basketball intern program. Ms. Rose had to move to Chicago, a few weeks ago.
Oseye: And what would the duties of this management position be?
Bronczek: (laughing uncontrollably) Duties!!! Duties. Sweetheart, there are no duties. You’re supervising basketball players who are interns. We’re a Fortune 500 company. We don’t let them touch anything!
Oseye: Sounds like a fine program. Mr. Calipari mentioned it. Would my son be eligible for it?
Bronczek: If he averages 15 points a game and 7 assists a game, he would be.
Oseye: And how much would this management position pay me?
Bronczek: Depends on how far your son takes the Tigers in the tournament. But I am sure the base pay is double what you make now.
Oseye: Well I’m all for that. But I think my son is leaning toward going to Arizona. What happens then.
Bronczek: Well if that happens, I hope you look good in brown.
Oseye: Brown???
Bronczek: That’s UPS colors isn’t it.
Oseye: Are you saying that I will lose my job unless my son goes to Memphis?
Bronczek: Why no, we are just talking about your career.
Oseye: But you said…
Bronczek: Did you know that it’s really hot in Arizona.
The preceding is in no way meant to represent what actually happened. It is meant for entertainment purposes only and does not represent the opinions of Blazertalk or its posters. Anyone who does not recognize it as an attempt at humor should immediately see your dermitologist and request extra layers of skin.
Oseye: Hello, this is FedEX Customer Service. Oseye speaking. May I help you.
Caller: Is this Oseye Gaddy by chance?
Oseye: (hesitant) Yes, who’s calling please.
Bronczek: This is Dave!!!
Oseye: Dave who?
Bronczek: Dave Bronczek
Oseye: That name’s sounds familiar.
Bronczek: check your paycheck.
Oseye: Oh that Dave. (suddenly nervous). How can I help you Mr. Bronczek?
Bronczek: Oh we don’t have to be so formal. Call me Dave?
Oseye: OK Dave.
Bronczek: We here at headquarters are starting a new program and I am personally calling all 275,000 of our fine employees and I am starting with you.
Oseye: Me? I don’t think any of my coworkers have ever received a phone call from the CEO.
Bronczek: Do any of your coworkers have a son with a jumpshot?
Oseye: Oh, I see what this is about. You are a supporter of the Memphis Tigers, arent’ you?
Bronczek: Well since YOU brought it up, let me tell you about my good friend, John Calipari. Have you spoken with him?
Oseye: Oh yes. Mr. Calipari has called several times this week and, oh wait, that’s him texting me right now.
Bronczek: Yeah. That Cal is really good with the new gadgets. I prefer the old fashioned telephone.
Oseye: Well, my son is considering Memphis as well several other schools.
Bronczek: I’m sure. I hear he is a great player. But I actually did call to discuss your career.
Oseye: My career?!
Bronczek: Yes, I’m sure wherever your son ends up playing college ball, you plan to relocate so you can see him play.
Oseye: Yes, definitely.
Bronczek: Well the great thing about Federal Express, is we are all over the country, and no matter where your son plays, I am sure our company can make a transfer available to you.
Oseye: Oh that would be great. He is considering playing for that nice Mr. Olson at Arizona. Could I transfer there with Federal Express.
Bronczek: Uh, let me check. (riffles papers). Oh, I’m sorry, it appears that we are downsizing in Arizona. There would be no position available there. As a matter of fact, we are considering discontinuing Federal Express service in Arizona and Kansas.
Oseye: I see.
Bronczek: However, here at HQ in Memphis, we have several management positions available that I’m sure you would be qualified for.
Oseye: Really (excited) What kind of positions?
Bronczek: Well, just this morning I learned that we have learned we had a new position supervising our basketball intern program. Ms. Rose had to move to Chicago, a few weeks ago.
Oseye: And what would the duties of this management position be?
Bronczek: (laughing uncontrollably) Duties!!! Duties. Sweetheart, there are no duties. You’re supervising basketball players who are interns. We’re a Fortune 500 company. We don’t let them touch anything!
Oseye: Sounds like a fine program. Mr. Calipari mentioned it. Would my son be eligible for it?
Bronczek: If he averages 15 points a game and 7 assists a game, he would be.
Oseye: And how much would this management position pay me?
Bronczek: Depends on how far your son takes the Tigers in the tournament. But I am sure the base pay is double what you make now.
Oseye: Well I’m all for that. But I think my son is leaning toward going to Arizona. What happens then.
Bronczek: Well if that happens, I hope you look good in brown.
Oseye: Brown???
Bronczek: That’s UPS colors isn’t it.
Oseye: Are you saying that I will lose my job unless my son goes to Memphis?
Bronczek: Why no, we are just talking about your career.
Oseye: But you said…
Bronczek: Did you know that it’s really hot in Arizona.
The preceding is in no way meant to represent what actually happened. It is meant for entertainment purposes only and does not represent the opinions of Blazertalk or its posters. Anyone who does not recognize it as an attempt at humor should immediately see your dermitologist and request extra layers of skin.
